Are You Going To Buy That?
by jishwa
Summary: Karkat is tired of his boring life filled with clown ass and self-loathing. Working at a rundown Toys R Us, he encounters four teenagers who decide playing Nerf War in the middle of the store is a good idea. One of them, a blonde asshole with shades (at night?) and probably more family issues than even Karkat himself, shoots him in the eye with a nerf bullet. Great.
1. Chapter 1

Fuck this. Fuck your boring, useless existence in the cockroach-infested asshole you call life.

It was 10:30 PM on a Wednesday night and you are wasting your night, no, your fucking life away working the night shift at a trashy Toys R Us that resides next to an old Subway and a nail place that looks like it's about to be run out of business in a matter of weeks. You have no fucking clue why a toy store stays open so late but you are long past questioning some of the things that humans do anymore. You should be grateful you even have a job even if it is just working at a cash register at a shitty toy store, anyway. If you are lucky, you might be able to hold this job longer than a week. If you can hold it for the whole summer, you will be able to start going to college again.

You were a Creative Writing major and you kind of actually liked it, but you were forced to drop out because you needed to move back home and take care of your piece of steaming hot shit moirail. If you didn't spoon that brain-rotting sopor into his already destroyed thinkpan, he would start listening to the voices in his head again. It was apparently your responsibility now that your friends started getting lives, like college and real jobs, and stopped worrying about Gamzee's mental health, leaving your responsible.

You were honestly just stewing in a pile of self-loathing and regret until the sound of the the automatic door opening and the sound of a group of laughing teens snapped you out of your thoughts. All four kids stumbled in the store while they talked over each other and practically yelling. This is why you hate teenagers, human teenagers to be exact. They were excruciatingly obnoxious and loud, not that you were exactly a quiet person. The boy in the front, with black hair and glasses, ran over to the shelf that held the Nerf guns. Holy dick no, you begged in your head, anything but the Nerf guns. The nerdy girl who looks extremely similar to him quickly followed and grabbed a gun. The blonde girl looks mysterious, almost creepy. She grined devilishly when the black haired girl tossed her a Nerf gun.

"Shit is about to go down right here," a very casual sounding voice came from the tall blonde male standing behind the rest. He was wearing aviators. In a store. At night. Is this dude an idiot? You would not be suprised. He also looks like a complete douchebag? He wass standing with his hands in his pocket like he doesn't give 2 shits. Who even stands like that? Assholes, that's who. The bulgelicker grabbed his own gun, commencing the shitstorm. The four teenagers ran around the garbage-hole store like they were playing an actual game of laser-tag. You tried to ignore the shrieks of laughter by trolling Gamzee.

CG: GAMZEE YOU BETTER FUCKING ANSWER ME

TC: hAhA wHaTs Up My PaLe BrO :o)

CG: A GROUP OF UGLY SHITWHIFF TEENAGERS ARE PLAYING WITH THE NERF GUNS

CG: THEY ARE BEING LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS AND MY THINK PAN IS POUNDING I *HATE* TEENAGERS

TC: aHh BrO iM sOrRy YoUr MoThErFuCkIn ThInK pAn HuRtS wHiLe I gEt To JuSt ChIlL

CG: YEAH WELL ITS NOT YOUR FAULT I WASNT BORN A HIGHBLOOD WITH MONEY LIKE YOU

CG: I JUST WISH THESE ANNOYING FUCKMONKEYS CALLED HUMANS WEREN'T HERE SHOOTING TOY BULLETS AT EACH OTHER

CG: THEY PROBABLY ARENT EVEN GOING TO BUY THIS SHIT?

TC: wElL wHeN yOuR sHiFt Is OvEr We CaN gEt OuR rElAx On

TC: kArKaT?

TC: yOu ThErE bRo?

You were in fact not there because the blonde fuck had hit you right in the glance nugget with the toy bullet. Oh shit, holy shit. You are going to get that asshole good. Well, you would if your eye wasn't in the worst of pain. You look up at the group of idiots with your hand still covering your right eye. You give them the death glare, or, as well of a death glare as one can give with one eye.

"Holy dick I'm sorry," The tall nooksniffer said after a few moments, obviously trying to contain his laughter. His hands were in his pockets again, which pissed you off to no end.

"Are you insufferable kringlefuckers going to buy those or just stand around like the bunch of primitive apes you are?" You practically screeched. The four kids jumped at the sound of your voice.

"Ahaha uh yeah... sorry," This time the voice came from the black haired male with the glasses. The teenagers walked to the counter with the toys and put them in front of you. You scanned them, rather aggressively.

"That's 45 fucking dollars and 95 cents," You can't believe these cockeaters spent 46 dollars on toys. The one with sunglasses pulled out a wad of cash and put it on the counter.

"Keep the change," he smirked and reached over to your name tag to get a better look, "Karkat." He winked, and patted the front pocket of your shirt. You squinted your eyes suspiciously as he put his hands back in his pocket and turned to leave. The three others followed him, giggling as they left. You hate those fucks. You picked up the wad of money and began to put it in the cash register.

After you were sure the group of teenagers were gone, you reached into your pocket and fished out what looked like a business card for what looked like art commissions. Except, the art surrounding the text was so shitty you almost shed a tear. What kind of sentient life form would even think about buying art as magically ugly and disgusting as this? The card said his name was Dave Strider. That name matched his douchey-looks and incredible asshole-ish nature. The card also gave his pesterchum, which is kind of weird for a business card, but you wouldn't put it past him. You were about to return the card to where it rightfully belonged, the garbage, when you see red writing on the back of the card.

text me Shouty ;)

When did he have time to do that? Oh my god. You don't know if you want to talk to him. He can't be that bad. No, he probably is that bad. You sigh and put you head in your hands. There is no way on God's green human-infested Earth that you will ever talk to that inflamed asshole. Probably.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, you have to admit, you're pretty embarrassed about last night. You tried to play it off by giving the short troll 50 bucks, you gave him your business card in hopes he would contact you. You kind of really wanted him to text you because you are lonely and damn, Mr. Shouty was cute. After thinking about the smaller boy for a while you realize you are laying on the ground in the living room of your older brother. Jade, John, and Rose slept over after leaving the toy store and grabbing some pancakes and Ihop. You quietly get up from the piles of blankets and pillows you dragged out from every room and closet in the apartment last night and look at your three teenage nerd friends.

First was your sister Rose, the mysterious blonde girl who liked books, big words, and cats. She lives with your your mom in a big ass house when shes not away at college. She is a Lit major and likes to rub in your face how many big words she knows and how many you don't. Only, shes very passive-aggressive about it which makes it more frustrating. She has a hot-ass alien girlfriend which you were always kind of jealous of. Not the girlfriend part, but the alien part. You're kind of really into trolls, not that you would ever admit that to anyone. You just think their horns are really cute and Rose told you once they were sensitive. Like head nipples.

Next to Rose was the furry fucker, Jade. She is an actual dog. Well not an actual dog but a major furry. She had lots of black hair, like so much hair. You don't really understand how she brushes that shit. You love her company because even though she is a dork who sometimes barks, she has a good sense of humor. She wears dorky glasses to match her personality, but also because she is blind as shit. She is interested in space a whole lot, along with gardening. She has a beast of a dog named Bec, and is studying to become a vet. She used to live on some weird island with her Grandfather, but after he died, she moved in with her cousin.

That brings you to John, who is Jade's cousin and also the dorkiest of them all. He looked a lot Jade, same fluffy black hair, different glasses, just as dorky and just as blind. He was your best bro, your main pal. He likes playing pranks on people, which you assume he got that interest from his grandmother. He also has a terrible taste in movies. Like Nic Cage level bad. God damn that boy has a horrible taste in movies. You may or may not have had a crush on him for your entire highschool experience. It's okay, you moved on. You accepted the fact that he was straight long ago, you couldn't do anything about it. You decide to climb on top of the doof until he wakes up. You sit on top of John, crushing him beneath you. John stirred in his sleep, feeling the weight on top of him. You grab a pillow and hold it over your head. John muttered something and groaned, his eyes fluttering open. Your eyes and his made direct contact and you see the confusion mixed with fear for a split second.

"Dave, what the f- OOF" His sentence was cut short by you slamming a pillow right in his face. Owned.

"DAVE!" John screeched. He grabbed a pillow from beside him and hits you with it, knocking you off of him. John threw the pillow, aiming at you but hitting Jade instead. She sat up quickly and looked at you and John. Jade growled, picking up a pillow. She jumped to her feet and hurled the pillow right at Johns face.

"Haha oh shit." You and Jade laughed when John sat up with an angry look on his face, even thought it was kind of adorable. Soon, John started giggling along with you and Jade, but the two's laughter trailed off as they stared at something behind you.

"What are you guys looking a-" You say as you turn to see what the big deal was. Oh dick no. Above you was the one and only, Rose Lalonde, holding a fancy pillow she had crafted for you for Christmas years prior.

"Rose, sis, please no, I'm your brother. You wouldn't hurt your dear old bro would you?" you begged. but alas, you watched as she lifted the pillow and smacked you right in the face. You lay on the ground and think about what a tragic life you led while your friends assault each other with pillows. Did you just start a pillow fight between the childest people in the universe?

You lift yourself from the ground and head towards the kitchen. "Y'all want pancakes?" You say from over your shoulder. You hear 3 yes's behind you and you grab the pancake mix from the cabinet and begin to make some sweet ass pancakes. You hear your pesterchum notification from you phone and put down the bowl of batter and pick up your phone. Who could be pestering you? Your friends were already at your house, and Terezi doesn't ever get up until at least 2 P.M. Huh, it was a Trollian tag, carcinoGeneticist. It must be that cute shouty troll from last night.

CG: HEY SHITHEAD WHAT'S UP

CG: ALSO THANKS A BUNCH FOR HITTING ME IN THE EYE

CG: THAT WAS SARCASM

CG: DON'T DO IT AGAIN

You couldn't help but smile at this idiot.


End file.
